There’s a fellside very close
to where I lived when health gave way
And in that place, just the dog and I,
I vented my fury against bloody God.
Why was I so depressed, ill and broken,
a future all unknown?
I try not to make light what was deadly dark.
It clutches at me, hurts me still,
so hard to understand I gave up trying.
I found it quite enough, back then,
to be on my own and crying.
Thirty years later I have no answers,
though there are some folk who say
they fully understand.
I’ve been through hell and see a bit of heaven
And this I say, quite simply: God has a hand
in my life.
So I might as well continue in hope.
In fact it’s the best that I can offer.
But, sod it all, I anticipate blessing
and the stunning healing of laughter.
David Grieve, 8 January 2020
If you enjoyed reading this poem, why not check out more of David Grieve’s work? Hope in Dark Places, our January #BookOfTheMonth, explores the depths of depression, while Love in Thin Places is a beautiful collection inspired by Durham Cathedral and its saints, visitors and pilgrims.
